| CD Reviews | ||||||||||
Rating: Incomplete Twenty minutes. That was all I could make it through. As a music critic for the Carillon, I’ve sat through hundreds of terrible albums from start to finish. I’ve invested hours upon hours of my life feeling envious of the deaf while trudging my way through albums from DMX proteges and “jazz-fusion” assholes. It wasn’t until I listened to Blowin’ Up that I threw in the towel. The fundamental flaw of Jamie Kennedy’s music is that he’s a rapper/comedian. This implies that he is either a serviceable rapper, or a worthwhile comedian. Sadly, Kennedy is neither, and is as successful in those fields as he is at being anything more than a pop-cultural skidmark. Kennedy seems to be under the mistaken notion that the world didn’t loath Malibu’s Most Wanted, but simply avoided it like Regis Philbin’s wrinkled foreskin for some other reason. Blowin’ Up is an unpleasant, winking slab of self-satisfaction that is too awful to enjoy even on a masochistic level. If you still find the fact that Bob Saget works blue endlessly hilarious (Saget cameos in the cringe-inducing “Rollin’ With Saget”), you’ll adore this album. You also won’t be missed if someone strangles you with piano wire. Twenty minutes, that’s my limit. I could’ve endured twenty-one minutes of an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical about my father’s first experience masturbating, but twenty-one minutes of Jamie Kennedy? That’s asking too much. by Dan MacRae
Rating: CCCc If you think that cellos and metal, don’t seem to have the same chemistry that guitar/rock or gunshots/rap combos do, that is where you would be mistaken. On Amplified: A Decade of Reinventing the Cello, Apocalyptica’s most recent effort, Finland’s hardest rocking cellists have released two discs: one of their greatest hits, and another of new, original material, complete with guest vocals, both conveniently packaged together. Having made a career of successfully covering artists such as Metallica, Slayer, Pantera and Rammstein, the first CD of this album will have you and your friends attempting your best air-strings-section to 15 of some of metal’s greatest songs. Unfortunately, after having rocked out to “One” and “Angel of Death” with such gusto, you might find yourself to be a tad disappointed with the second disc. The eight original tracks are pretty much what you would expect from a Finnish metal cover band, which unfortunately, isn’t saying a lot. Confusing and unbearable at times, the second CD will have you questioning, and rightfully so, if a drunken Forrest Gump produced it. Apocalyptica have managed to release an accessible and interesting album, if you ignore the second portion of the record. If you feel the desire to diversify your musical tastes but you’re afraid to venture too far from your Iron Maiden collection, this one is for you. by Steven Kiser
Rating: CCCC Accessibility for the most part is an utterly ridiculous concept. When critics gush about TV On The Radio they are very quick to note that they are not “accessible,” almost as if it’s a peanut allergy warning. If snobs had their way their records would have a sticker saying: “If you need accessible music to live, TV On The Radio will kill you.” Don’t believe the hype, if you enjoy music with brains behind it, congratulations, you’ve passed the accessability test. Return To Cookie Mountain is a captivating adventure into the most daring bits of rock music. It’s not everyday you come across an album in which each song feels like a cross between a mini-natural disaster and national anthem from some far off planet. From the sense-engulfing sledgehammer of a lament that is “I Was A Lover,” to the so-this-is-what-Brian-Wilson-must-hear-in-his-head-every-day harmonic tidal wave of “Wolf Like Me,” TV On The Radio radiate a sense of exploration. Come for the eclectic barber shop vocals, stay for the stirring sonic landscapes. This is not Desperate Youth Bloodthirsty Babes 2.0., but an entirely different beast. Daring? Of course. Inaccessible and exclusive? Only for those terrified of new ideas, and surely those people shouldn’t be allowed to control rock n’roll in the first place. As frontman Tunde Adebimpe brags in “Playhouses”: he’s “gonna teach you tricks that’ll blow your mongrel mind.” Sir, you couldn’t be more right. by Dan MacRae
Rating: CCC Having given us such memorable hits as “Sunset (Bird of Prey)” and “Weapon of Choice,” a person would have to be either deaf or living in a secret, underground military bunker to have not heard a Fatboy Slim single since he began his solo work a decade ago. While a lot of greatest hits compilations out there consist of a handful of legitimate ‘hits,’ Why Try Harder has 18 tracks: 16 old and two new, of which all 16 are, at the very least, familiar and catchy. At best, you’ll wind up with the whirlwind four-song-combo of “The Rockafeller Skank,” “Praise You,” “Brimful of Asha (Remix),” and “Weapon of Choice.” What makes this record fun is not necessarily that all of the songs are deserving of being on a greatest hits album, but that practically all of them have the added nostalgia factor of being featured in a movie soundtrack, television show or commercial. The unfortunate part of this album also lies with the nostalgic factor. After one or two good listens, you’ll quickly realize why a lot of these songs worked better as car commercial jingles. Much like that scene in Quigley Down Under where Tom Selleck is being pulled behind the horse, they drag on. But, if you’re willing to make good use of the skip button on your CD player, there are certainly a few diamonds to be found within this ocean of sand. by Steven Kiser
Rating: CCCc If you don’t like metal – like real metal, not the sometimes screaming, sometimes melodic stuff you find on a 17-year-old’s Myspace page – don’t read any further. There is no other way to describe Cannibal Corpse other than “extreme metal.” Known for their insanely-over-the-top lyrics and subject matter that we couldn’t even put to print for fear of legal action, Cannibal Corpse have been in the game since the early ‘90s and have since become synonymous with the ever growing Death Metal scene. The band’s fourth album (also the last album from original vocalist Chris Barnes who was later replaced by George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher) The Bleeding, has recently been re-released by Metal Blade records featuring new artwork, a bonus song, the music video for “Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead” and, most importantly, the album has been entirely remixed and remastered providing for a cleaner and easier (so to speak) listening experience. If you already know Cannibal Corpse, chances are that you have the original version of this album since it has now gone on to classic” status among the metal community. If you don’t know about Cannibal Corpse, then all you really need to know is that The Bleeding is an 11-song smash-and-grab on your ears and morality. The band layers undecipherable grunts, guitar riffs that are turned to 11, thunderous bass, and drums that practically bash you over the skull to create their signature sound. If you’re looking for the perfect soundtrack to Armageddon then you’ve found it. by Kent Farago |
