Sex and the single girl
The right attitude will help
by Rachel Welychka
Being single and in your twenties means a variety of things. For me it means bad-set ups, inadequate relationships and being alone on Saturday nights. While my non-single friends are out painting the town with their current boyfriends on Saturday night, I am at home eating fig newtons and talking with my 13-year-old cousin on MSN while watching reruns of Trading Spaces on TLC. Not that I’m knocking educational programming or anything, I am a huge fan of “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel, but Saturday night is still date night no matter how you look at it. The absolute worst thing about being single is hearing, “So, Rachel, when are you going to get a boyfriend?” from my non-single friends. True, it has been a long while since I had a steady boyfriend, but I try not to define myself by whether or not I have a relationship.
During my twenty-something years on this planet, I found my first real and true love at 18. We broke up after a year, because of basic differences, alienation of affection, and the fact that I wasn’t content being “happy enough” anymore. I wasn’t really attracted to my boyfriend anymore and I wanted to see what else was out there. Fast-forward a year and a half later, which really isn’t all that impressive: players, cads, idiots, and insecure, needy men haunt the hallways and water coolers like vicious diseases that won’t go away.
When you have someone you love and you are basically happy, is it worth it to settle for what you have? The single life may appear lucrative and seductive, but it is plagued with emotionally unavailable men. Sure, you can go hook up with virtually anyone and as often as you like but how long until you start wanting more than a random hook-up? When you find love and happiness, even though it is not what you really envisioned it to be but it is good enough, should you hang on to it? Does the white knight actually exist? Does it make sense to settle when it seems like everyone else is settling down?
Someone once told me that you create your own reality and that your current reality is actually just your current perception. For example: if you go out into the world believing all men are good, honest and kind you will attract good, honest and kind men. On the flip side, if you are bitter and jaded about men, you will attract the assholes. I thought this was a load of bullshit; some filthy psychological smut reasoning for why I can’t attract a decent man. It seemed like such a cop-out; just because I was jaded about men didn’t mean that it was the sole reason why I couldn’t attract a decent one. There are plenty of explanations. Maybe all the good men are taken. Maybe there was just a bad crop this year. And then it dawned on me, I did have a bad attitude about men and dating. I even had a bad attitude about the explanation to why I had a bad attitude. Although I am a few bad dates away from becoming bitter, when I find a man whom I think to be normal by all appearances and mannerisms, I still get suspicious that he is otherwise. I indirectly sabotage my reality and any chance of happiness.
Maybe your attitude is like your calling card for the kind of people you will pick up and your reality is something you do create for yourself. I mean, what self-respecting decent man is going to want to date a neurotic woman who already hates him for being too nice? So when you go out into the world, ask yourself what kind of lenses are in the glasses you are wearing that day. How you look at people makes a huge difference. What your attitude chooses to see is quite often what you get.