|
Things that piss me off
by Dan MacRae
the Carillon
For God’s sake, go away. In our culture of having an attention span as microscopic as what’s left in Econoline Crush’s chequing account, patience is growing thin, and I’m no exception. I’m so damn sick of three things right now.
1) Friendster: the Internet at one time was a beautiful thing. Just a sea of free pornography and . . . er, pornography you had to pay for. Enter Friendster, an online networking community linking friends, acquaintances, and unhip celebs (Rufus Wainright anyone?), and eating up real estate on the net like Kelly Osbourne on a T-bone. It soon became a must-have hipster art-trash accessory that now is growing like a coldsore on Nicky Ritchie’s face. To hear, scroll, be subjected to the absolute drivel on the site is unbearable. It makes Craigslist.com’s “casual encounters” section look like evolution at its finest. It’s a gaggle of emo-tastic geeks using their superpowers to meet other equally self-loathing but still uninteresting cocks through the Internet. Friendster, screw off.
2) Paris Hilton Sex Scandal: at first this whole scandal was cute. Page six’s favorite little heiress has a naughty-time video and we're going to get to see it. Eventually the whole thing got too popular, and ironically like Paris herself, the whole scandal got completely dicked to death. Soon Fleshbot’s server was crashing like Courtney Love out of rehab, the talk shows and tabs got a hold of it, and now Paris’s little night-vision sex tape couldn’t be more overexposed if it had been produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. If Pat O’Brien makes jokes about it, you know the dream is over. Paris Hilton Sex Scandal, screw off.
3) Metrosexuals: It started out as a cute analysis of how twee men are getting, but now the media is all over this trend like it was being filmed by Vivid video. Lad magazines are feminine? What incredible scoopery! Moisturizers? Fashion? Grooming? Of course men are fey, we all know this. No one gives a damn anymore. Move on. Let’s put this boring mess behind us. And all that ironic, Queer Eye winking isn’t getting anymore fun to deal with. Metrosexuals, screw off.
In fact, I’m incredibly annoying. I’m so sick of myself. With my lazy-ass celeb-mock-o-matic styling (Christina Aguilera = slutty, Kelly Osbourne = fat, Anna Nicole Smith = fat and slutty), complete bashing of pop
|
