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Some random thoughts on returning to school for another semester of
triumph and disappointment. I know it is their job and everything, but those MasterCard people really need to learn to back off. It has gotten so that I make up a new story to reject them every time I pass by. MasterCard Person: Hi, have you heard about... Me (interrupting): Sorry, credit cards are against my religion. MasterCard Person: Which religion is that? Me: Voodoo. Now don't piss me off, Chuckles, 'cause I've got a pincushion with your name on it. (Time passes, I walk by them again.) MasterCard Person: Would you be interested in... Me (cutting her off): My parole officer won't let me have a credit card. |
(More time passes, I saunter by) MasterCard Person: Would you like to try... Me (singing loudly and generally acting like a lunatic): I'M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM! HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM, I AM! I know I am not the first to say it, but the new building looks a lot like a mall. I figure it is a trick to try and fool students into attending more classes. Three times in the first week I have heard someone in one of my classes exclaim "Hey, this isn't Below the Belt!" I do not care if he does his comics backward now and that the Free Press did do an article on him. The Clip Book (now Urban Comics) guy is just not funny. Creepy, yes. Funny, no. If you get a chance, try out the Owl's new Lung Cancer Burger. There is actually nothing wrong with the burger itself, but the amount of second-hand smoke you will inhale waiting for it will turn your lungs blacker than the void between Ian "Call me Eye-an, not Eee-an" Ziering's ears. (Ed: Tyler wanted to put "blacker than a coal miner's ass" but that was deemed offensive. We were worried that coal miners might write in.) |
By the way, I really dig the new food court in the University Centre.
If it was not for the time commitment that eating there required, I sould have
all my meals there. I do not mind the 45-minute wait for a sandwich, but the
three hours I had to spend in the bathroom afterwards tends to eat up a lot of my
day. Try as they might, there are still are quite a few first-year students wandering around who cannot wipe that "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" look off their faces. I wish they would get used to their new surroundings already. I am getting sick of having to swerve to avoid them in the halls. Someone asked me what the best thing about going to university. I told them that it provides me with a reason to leave the house, therefore avoiding those pestering phone calls from Julie of Sprint Canada. I would never give a dime to Sprint, not after the way that they corrupted poor Candice Bergen. Complain all you want about the Carillon, but at least we have never run four consecutive front-page headlines whining about the weather. It amazes me that people still consider the fact that Saskatchewan gets cold in the winter so damn newsworthy. What is next, a story in the L-P's Sports section about the Thrilla in Manilla? Well that is about it. I figure I have offended as many people as I possibly could, and my stomach is starting to make those weird gurgling sounds again. This is going to be one long semester. |